- Where You Going With That Monet? International Art Heist
-
Keith Meyers/The New York Times
LOOK CLOSELY And then imagine a Rembrandt and a Vermeer in
those empty frames at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The
canvases are among those stolen in 1990. More Photos >Ideas & TrendsWhere You Going With That Monet?
THE plots of art heist movies are about as multifarious as the canvases of
the paintings pilfered by their main characters — the postmodern heroin-cool of
Nick Nolte in “The Good Thief”; the
playboy-billionaire boredom of Pierce Brosnan in “The Thomas Crown Affair.” But
one thing art theft movies tend to have in common is that they dwell on the
heist and not on the aftermath, for reasons that are probably more than
cinematic: art is an exceedingly dumb thing to steal.The most valuable examples, usually paintings, are also the most highly
recognizable and therefore almost impossible to resell or to display anywhere.
When thieves try they are often caught. And so most real art bandits don’t exude
quite the élan of a Nolte or Brosnan or even of a good, methodical jewel thief.
In fact, they are often found pretty far down the ladder of professional
purloining, acting on impulse or opportunity in a world in which museums are
still relatively unguarded public spaces. And in many cases, to put it bluntly,
art thieves are just not very good.They are more like a Dutch man named Octave Durham — a k a the Monkey — who
was sentenced to prison in 2004 for stealing two paintings from the Van Gogh
Museum in Amsterdam two years earlier. He and an accomplice had little trouble
breaking into the museum but then left behind a feast for crime scene
investigators — ladders, ropes, cloths, hats — that easily provided the DNA
evidence that led to their arrests.In the latest heist to shake the art world, three men wearing ski masks
walked into the E. G. Bührle Collection in Zurich on Feb. 9, grabbed a Cézanne,
a Degas, a van Gogh and a Monet together worth an estimated
$163 million, and tossed them into a van and sped off. Though one thief
brandished a gun, there were signs that the job was probably not up to robbery’s
highest standards: the most expensive of the collection’s paintings were left
behind (the four that were stolen were in one room) and the police said the
stolen paintings appeared to be poking out of the back of the white van the men
used to make their getaway.“No one theory can fit all examples of art theft, but I think it’s often an
I.Q. test for not-so-smart criminals, and a lot of them fail,” said James Mintz,
the principal of a corporate investigations firm with offices in New York,
London, Zurich and other cities that has handled art cases.Many of the most notorious art thefts in past decades bear him out and
illuminate a strange disconnect between the enduring mystique of art theft and
the reality of its perpetrators. The theft in Vienna in 2003 of a gold-plated
saltcellar made by Benvenuto Cellini, valued at $60 million, was traced to a
50-year-old alarm-systems specialist with no criminal record. The police, who
caught him after he tried to ransom the sculpture, called him a “funny guy” who
had decided to take the Cellini more or less spontaneously. A divorcé who lived
alone, he kept the sculpture under his bed for two years.Just last year, two men suspected in the theft of two paintings and a drawing
by Picasso from the Paris home of Diana
Widmaier-Picasso, a granddaughter of the artist, were caught on the street
carrying the paintings, estimated to be worth more than $60 million, rolled up
in cardboard tubes.Law enforcement officials and officials with the Art Loss Register, a private
database of lost and stolen art, emphasize that there are, certainly, highly
effective art thieves at work around the world, in an enterprise that the Federal Bureau of Investigation estimates at
about $6 billion a year in stolen goods. The marquee example remains the 1990
robbery of the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, the biggest art theft
in American history, with a value estimated as high as $300 million. Speculation
has run high for years that the crime, still unsolved and the art unrecovered,
might have been carried out by the organization of James “Whitey” Bulger, the
Boston crime boss, who remains a fugitive.In rare cases, it even appears that the most movie-like of scenarios — the
made-to-order theft — may happen. A suspect in the December theft of two
paintings in Brazil told the authorities that the works were to be delivered to
a collector in Saudi Arabia. Derek Fincham, a lawyer who runs the Illicit
Cultural Property blog (illicit-cultural-property.blogspot.com), calls
this the “Dr. No situation,” after the 1962 James Bond movie in which Sean Connery does a double-take upon seeing a
recently stolen portrait by Goya hanging on a wall in Dr. No’s lair.But most art theft experts say that the idea of such an evil connoisseurs’
black market is largely a myth, and that many art thefts are committed with
insurance company shakedowns in mind. (In such schemes, art is held ransom while
backdoor demands are made for insurers to pay the thieves something less than
the insurance value of the work; investigators point to cases in which art is
recovered with little public explanation offered later about how the return was
accomplished or who committed the crime.)The mundane reality is that many art thieves are simply not the sharpest
grappling hooks in the toolbag; the smart ones choose to steal things that can
be much more easily converted into money — or just money itself.Thomas McShane, a retired F.B.I. agent who led many art investigations in the
1970s and 1980s, said the motivations and methods of many of the thieves he came
across could only be described as humorous. One man tried for years to fence a
Rembrandt stolen in 1971 from a museum in France, dropping his street price from
$5 million to $25,000, Mr. McShane recounted in his 2006 memoir “Stolen
Masterpiece Tracker,” written with Dary Matera. “His only accomplishment,” Mr.
McShane wrote of the criminal, a would-be Mafioso nicknamed Johnny Rio, “was
expanding the ever-widening circle of people who knew he had it.” (He was caught
and served a short prison sentence.)And while thieves in other lines of goods tend to know what they’re stealing,
many art thieves often seem not to have set foot in a museum or gallery before
trying to knock one off.Mr. McShane recalled a 1986 case in which a Queens man, Daniel Kohl, the
owner of an Upper East Side antique shop called Old King Kohl’s, was caught with
accomplices in the act of trying to steal more than $20 million in antiquities
from a Queens warehouse. In news accounts at the time, the caper sounded quite
cinematic. But prosecutors later surmised that much of the art they planned to
steal was probably fake.“Let me tell you,” said Mr. McShane, “Danny had about as much knowledge of
art as your local hot dog stand man. ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’ it was
not.”Tags: | Edit
Tags - How Obama won over key Clinton supporters in Wisconsin, and
why it matters. -
White Men Jumped
How Obama won over key Clinton supporters in Wisconsin, and why it
matters.
Posted Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008,
at 10:32 A.M E.T.Hillary Clinton has been calling Barack Obama a plagiarist. Now she can call him a thief. Obama won the Wisconsin primary by
stealing support from blue-collar workers, previously a key Clinton bloc.
If Clinton was to survive the string of February losses, it was going to be
by holding on to what her chief strategist, Mark Penn, has called her “durable
coalition.” White women, Latinos, and older voters would be unmoved by Obama’s
flash. No group was more crucial to the Penn argument than blue-collar voters.
Clinton aides argued that not only were they bedrock Democratic voters for
Clinton, but they had an aversion to Obama. “How can the Democratic nominee win
without working people?” asked a top Clinton adviser recently.In Wisconsin, according to exit polls, Obama placed ahead of Clinton among
those who make less than $50,000 a year and those with less than a college
education. He has now won working-class white men in Wisconsin, Missouri, New
Hampshire, California, Maryland, and Virginia. Obama also ate into Clinton’s
usual margin with white women voters. (Even if
exit polls are tweaked in the coming hours and Clinton winds up with a narrow
edge among these groups, Obama will still have won sizable support in areas
where Clinton was supposed to be strongest.) And his double-digit victory came
without the help of a sizable number of black votes, which Clinton allies had
previously cited as a caveat to his victories in other states.The blue-collar votes are important, because Clinton is banking on them for
her comeback in the primaries of Ohio in early March and Pennsylvania in April.
They also matter because as the two candidates make the pitch to superdelegates,
who will determine the nominee, it becomes harder for Clinton to argue that
Obama will have a tough general election because his reach is somehow limited.
He is not just the boutique fascination of young people and wealthy elites. He
has now won in every key geographical area and across racial and gender lines.The Wisconsin result also gives us hints that Obama won’t easily be knocked
off track. For the last week, Clinton and her aides have upped their charge that
Obama is nothing more than pretty talk. A week ago, Clinton started running ads
criticizing Obama for not debating. He’d rather give speeches, she said. As
primary day neared, Clinton’s staff pushed the claim that Obama was a
plagiarist. None of it seemed to dent his momentum.The competition for the next phase of the campaign started as soon as the
results were in. Clinton, speaking in Youngstown, Ohio, launched a string of
attacks against Obama that didn’t seem to stir the audience. It is often the
custom for the winner to wait for the loser to finish speaking, but watching
Clinton’s attacks on television, the Obama camp sent its man out a little early.
The cable channels switched to his speech and dropped Clinton, as Obama’s people
knew they would. “I guess cable just likes winners,” said a top Obama aide,
coyly.John Dickerson is Slate‘s chief political correspondent
and author of On Her Trail. He can be
reached at slatepolitics@gmail.com.
Tags: | Edit
Tags - Totally Spent
-
Oliver MundayOp-Ed Contributor
Totally Spent
Berkeley, Calif.
WE’RE sliding into recession, or worse, and Washington is turning to the
normal remedies for economic downturns. But the normal remedies are not likely
to work this time, because this isn’t a normal downturn.The problem lies deeper. It is the culmination of three decades during which
American consumers have spent beyond their means. That era is now coming to an
end. Consumers have run out of ways to keep the spending binge going.The only lasting remedy, other than for Americans to accept a lower standard
of living and for businesses to adjust to a smaller economy, is to give middle-
and lower-income Americans more buying power — and not just temporarily.Much of the current debate is irrelevant. Even with more tax breaks for
business like accelerated depreciation, companies won’t invest in more factories
or equipment when demand is dropping for products and services across the board,
as it is now. And temporary fixes like a stimulus package that would give
households a one-time cash infusion won’t get consumers back to the malls,
because consumers know the assistance is temporary. The problems most consumers
face are permanent, so they are likely to pocket the extra money instead of
spending it.Another Fed rate cut might unfreeze credit markets and give consumers access
to somewhat cheaper loans, but there’s no going back to the easy money of a few
years ago. Lenders and borrowers have been badly burned, and the values of
houses and other assets are dropping faster than interest rates can be
lowered.The underlying problem has been building for decades. America’s median hourly
wage is barely higher than it was 35 years ago, adjusted for inflation. The
income of a man in his 30s is now 12 percent below that of a man his age three
decades ago. Most of what’s been earned in America since then has gone to the
richest 5 percent.Yet the rich devote a smaller percentage of their earnings to buying things
than the rest of us because, after all, they’re rich. They already have most of
what they want. Instead of buying, and thus stimulating the American economy,
the rich are more likely to invest their earnings wherever around the world they
can get the highest return.The problem has been masked for years as middle- and lower-income Americans
found ways to live beyond their paychecks. But now they have run out of
ways.The first way was to send more women into paid work. Most women streamed into
the work force in the 1970s less because new professional opportunities opened
up to them than because they had to prop up family incomes. The percentage of
American working mothers with school-age children has almost doubled since 1970
— to more than 70 percent. But there’s a limit to how many mothers can maintain
paying jobs.So Americans turned to a second way of spending beyond their hourly wages.
They worked more hours. The typical American now works more each year than he or
she did three decades ago. Americans became veritable workaholics, putting in
350 more hours a year than the average European, more even than the notoriously
industrious Japanese.But there’s also a limit to how many hours Americans can put into work, so
Americans turned to a third way of spending beyond their wages. They began to
borrow. With housing prices rising briskly through the 1990s and even faster
from 2002 to 2006, they turned their homes into piggy banks by refinancing home
mortgages and taking out home-equity loans. But this third strategy also had a
built-in limit. With the bursting of the housing bubble, the piggy banks are
closing.The binge seems to be over. We’re finally reaping the
whirlwind of widening inequality and ever more concentrated wealth.The only way to keep the economy going over the long run is to increase the
wages of the bottom two-thirds of Americans. The answer is not to protect jobs
through trade protection. That would only drive up the prices of everything
purchased from abroad. Most routine jobs are being automated anyway.A larger earned-income tax credit, financed by a higher marginal income tax
on top earners, is required. The tax credit functions like a reverse income tax.
Enlarging it would mean giving workers at the bottom a bigger wage supplement,
as well as phasing it out at a higher wage. The current supplement for a worker
with two children who earns up to $16,000 a year is about $5,000. That amount
declines as earnings increase and is eliminated at about $38,000. It should be
increased to, say, $8,000 at the low end and phased out at an income of
$46,000.We also need stronger unions, especially in the local service sector that’s
sheltered from global competition. Employees should be able to form a union
without the current protracted certification process that gives employers too
much opportunity to intimidate or coerce them. Workers should be able to decide
whether to form a union with a simple majority vote.And employers who fire workers for trying to organize should have to pay
substantial fines. Right now, the typical penalty is back pay for the worker,
plus interest — a slap on the wrist.Over the longer term, inequality can be reversed only through better schools
for children in lower- and moderate-income communities. This will require, at
the least, good preschools, fewer students per classroom and better pay for
teachers in such schools, in order to attract the teaching talent these students
need.These measures are necessary to give Americans enough buying power to keep
the American economy going. They are also needed to overcome widening
inequality, and thereby keep America in one piece.Robert B. Reich, a professor of public policy at the University of
California, Berkeley, is the author, most recently, of
“Supercapitalism.” - Susan Sontag’s final wish
-
..
Left: Photo by Sigrid Estrada; Right: AP Photo/Michael Probst
David Rieff, left; Susan Sontag at a press conference at the Book Fair in
Frankfurt, Germany, on Oct. 11, 2003.Susan Sontag’s final wish
She wanted
hope, a reason to believe she would survive cancer. In a candid interview, her
son, David Rieff, discusses his mother’s battle to live and his struggle to hide
the truth.By Steve Paulson
Feb. 13, 2008 | David Rieff has written a sobering and often horrifying
account of his mother’s final days. In 2004, his mother, Susan Sontag, died from a brutal form of blood cancer,
myelodysplastic syndrome. She fought her illness to the end, implicitly asking
those closest to her, including her son, to lie: She didn’t want anyone to tell
her she was dying. It’s a striking contrast. The celebrated writer demanded
honesty of intellectuals — Rieff says she loved reason and science “with a
fierce, unwavering tenacity bordering on religiosity” — yet maintained a
willful delusion about her death.In “Swimming in a Sea of Death,” Rieff wrestles with how to be a dutiful son
to his dying mother while being true to himself. It’s a remarkably unsentimental
account. There’s no gushing between mother and son or deathbed reconciliations.
This is not a portrait of Rieff’s relationship with Sontag, though at one point
he refers to their “strained and at times very difficult” relations. It is a
book about dying, grieving and what it means to survive the death of a loved
one.Beginning in the 1960s, Sontag became a cultural critic with enormous range,
dissecting everything from camp to Marxist critic Walter Benjamin, from
photography to how illness is misread as a metaphor for patients’ psychology.
She was a best-selling novelist and a singular presence — the brainy, glamorous
woman who held her own among the testosterone-filled intellectuals of the
period.Rieff is a distinguished author in his own right. A contributing writer to
the New York Times Magazine, and a past contributor to Salon, he’s reported on
war-ravaged countries and carved out his own reputation as an acute analyst of
foreign policy. Rieff refers to writing as “the family olive oil business.” His
father, the sociologist Philip Rieff, wrote his own masterpiece, “The Triumph of
the Therapeutic: Uses of Faith After Freud.” Sontag married Rieff when she was
17 and left him seven years later. In her later years, she had a relationship
with Annie Leibovitz, whom Rieff avoids discussing in his memoir, except for one
loaded comment about the photographer’s “carnival images of celebrity death.”
“I am not a confessional person,” Rieff insisted. He could be terse when
fielding questions about his relationship with his mother, and he became angry
at the notion she suffered a “bad death.” Still, throughout our interview, he
displayed his own brand of remarkable candor.When did you first hear your mother had this form of blood
cancer?It was in the spring of 2004. I was coming back from about a month in Israel/Palestine, where I was trying to do
a story on Yasser Arafat. I have a habit — a
superstition, really — of not calling people I’m close to while I’m on an
assignment that could be dangerous. But I usually check in once I get out. I had
to change planes at Heathrow Airport in London, so I called my mother. She said
she might be ill again, might have some kind of blood cancer. She was trying to
be cheerful. I was trying to be cheerful. Then I flew back. The next morning, I
picked her up and accompanied her to the doctor who gave her the test results.
The physician was not a very empathetic guy. I’m sure he’s a good doctor, but
his human skills were not exactly brilliant. And he told her the bad news. She
had this lethal blood cancer and, basically, there was no treatment.It was a death sentence.
It was. The standard time between diagnosis and death is nine months, and
there are no drugs that work more than a few months to keep your blood counts
where they’re supposed to be. It turned out that if she wanted to try something
rather than palliative care during the last months of her life, there was one
possibility. It’s a long shot: an adult stem-cell transplant, a bone-marrow
transplant. She found a physician at the great cancer center in New York, Memorial Sloan-Kettering, a brilliant man who had all the
human skills the first doctor did not. He said, “If you want to fight, if what
matters to you is not quality of life…” And my mother said, “I’m not
interested in quality of life.” He said, “Well, the best place to have this
transplant would be at the Fred Hutchinson Center at the University of
Washington Hospital in Seattle.”So she was going to do everything she could to survive.
She wanted to live at any price. When she said, “I’m not interested in
quality of life,” she meant it. She was somebody for whom extinction — death —
was unbearable. So she was going to fight for every breath, no matter how much
suffering that entailed.Twice before, your mother had cancer and survived. One time, weren’t
the odds incredibly stacked against her?They were. This was in the mid-’70s, a time when American physicians tended
to lie to their patients and tell family members something closer to the truth.
I was told by her doctors that she would die quite soon. She had Stage 4 breast
cancer that had spread into her lymph system. She had a basis for thinking it
wasn’t hopeless when a doctor said it was.Yet this time it did seem hopeless.
The chances were indeed stacked against her. But she didn’t want to hear it.
So what do you do, as the person who’s close to someone who wants to live at any
price, when you think this fight isn’t worth it? Do you lie? Do you insist on
telling the truth when it’s perfectly clear the person doesn’t want to know the
truth? Which was certainly true of my mother.Even though she did say, “Don’t lie to me.”
She wanted to be lied to. I mean, she didn’t want to be lied to, but she
wanted to live. She hoped that I and other people in her life would give her
reason to hope. I felt that I had to do that, whatever my own opinion was.
Before the transplant, I thought the odds were bad. Coming back to my mother’s
previous experience with breast cancer, I thought, “Well, don’t leap to
conclusions here. They wrote her off in the ’70s. Yeah, it’s an even more lethal
cancer, and yeah, she’s even 30 years older, but maybe she’ll beat the odds.”
But when the bone marrow transplant started to go wrong soon after it took
place, I didn’t think she would make it. Yet every signal she was giving me was,
“Give me hope. Help me believe I might make it.” In the end, I chose to do that.
The most important thing I thought was: It’s her death, not mine.Can you tell me about your mother’s last days?
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong after the transplant. She
suffered like someone being tortured. I found a way to be present but not look
at the way she had become physically. She flew back to New York when it was
clear the leukemia had become full-blown and the transplant had failed, and
spent the last six or seven weeks of her life in Memorial Sloan-Kettering. In
the end she couldn’t even roll over unassisted.Once she died, I asked the other people in the room to leave. And I really
looked. To be blunt, I took off her shirt. And she was just a sore. Her body was
just a sore from the inside of her mouth to her toes. So the suffering was
extraordinary. But the actual death was comparatively easy in the sense that she
didn’t seem to be in pain. In the last days, she kind of withdrew. And when she
spoke, she spoke about the distant past — about her parents, about people she
was involved with 30 years before. She wasn’t focused on the present or any of
us. Then she lapsed into a kind of somnolence. And then she died. It wasn’t
terrible.Did not telling her the truth about her condition take a toll on
you?It exacted a tremendous price. I never got to say goodbye. I don’t want to
romanticize the end of life, but we never had the kinds of conversations I
would’ve liked to have had with her. Conversations about the past. I would’ve
liked to have said certain things to her. We had a complicated relationship.
There were very good times and very bad times between us. I would have liked to
have gone beyond those before she left us. But that’s impossible if you decide
not to acknowledge the fact of dying. So that’s the price I paid. But she made
it very clear what she wanted. I didn’t feel that my interests could be put
ahead of that.You write that it wasn’t just that she desperately wanted to live,
she was also terrified of dying. Wasn’t there a kind of existential
dread?There was. In my experience, lots of people are terrified of dying. I’ve also
met lots of people who aren’t. But she was one to whom it was just terrible
news. So I don’t think she was at all unique. Of course, some people of faith
find it easier. But my mother wasn’t a person of faith.Your mother was an atheist. She refused to accept any consolation
from the hope of an afterlife. How much did that contribute to her
dread?Well, I’m an atheist too; if anything, more militant than my mother. I think
it would have been grotesque of my mother to have become a person of faith
purely in the interest of consoling herself. Surely, that would have been the
most terrible therapeutic use of faith, and a disgrace in terms of faith. You
shouldn’t start to believe because it suits you.But it does raise the question: Without the consolation of religion,
does the prospect of dying lead to dread?Well, it sure doesn’t help. I don’t know. There are certainly religious
traditions that don’t believe in an afterlife. So I don’t think we can just take
the Christian or the Islamic model and say those visions of a personal afterlife
are what religious faith is. If you look at Buddhism, if you look at Judaism,
neither has an afterlife in that sense. So I’m not sure it’s faith vs. atheism.
These days, there’s a lot of talk about what’s called “a good death.”
Usually this means someone who accepts dying and stops fighting it. There’s a
certain grace that can follow. Not only is there a sense of inner peace, but the
dying person often has meaningful and profound conversations with friends and
family. To use a word you scorn in your book, there is some “closure.” By
contrast, it would seem that your mother had anything but a good death. Do you
see it that way?No, I think that’s something people say to console themselves. I don’t
believe a word of what you just said. I don’t know whether you believe it or
not. But I know this argument very well. First of all, I think that argument
does a real disservice to human variety. People are very different in their
lives and very different in their deaths. The idea that one good death fits all
seems incredibly reductive to what human beings are all about. It’s like saying
all human beings should be cheerful. I don’t know that being cheerful is better
than being a melancholy person. People have different temperaments. When you say
“grace,” it lets family members off the hook. They don’t have to feel so bad
that the person is going. So I don’t buy it.I have the impression that this is the way your mother had to die.
Given who she was, there was no other way.What I’m saying is that the right way for one person to die may not be the
right way for another person to die. And she was somebody who desperately didn’t
want to die. So why should she have made our lives easier by going gracefully?
That doesn’t seem right to me.She was buried in Montparnasse Cemetery in Paris, where many famous
writers are buried. You say your mother had a horror of cremation. Do you know
why that was?Sure. Cremation seemed to confirm extinction. If you have a grave and your
bones are there, it’s somehow less confirming of extinction. I understand that
viscerally. She spoke a lot during her life about how horrified of cremation she
was. But all the decisions about her burial are decisions that I made, trying to
think through what I thought she wanted. She gave me no instructions of any
kind.You have just a brief reference to Annie Leibovitz, your mother’s
off-and-on companion for 20 years. You call her book of photos — which
included pictures of your mother as she was dying and after her death —
“carnival images of celebrity death.” There seems to be a good deal of
bitterness packed into that short sentence.Do you think you will ever write about your relationship with your
her?Because I don’t think it’s anybody’s business. It’s just prurient as far as
I’m concerned.But you know there will be future biographies of Susan Sontag. You
could set the record straight.Do you think her great achievement was the fiction she wrote in her
last years?I think [her 1992 novel] “The Volcano Lover” is the best thing she ever did.
Yeah, it’s an Irving Penn picture.
Was it a heady experience to get that kind of attention for a boy at
your age?Do you think you became a writer because of your mother’s
example?So not just her papers, but the books, too?
Yes, the library as well. It’s all at UCLA.
- I Love You, but You Love Meat
-
Steve Legato for The New York Times
ACCOMMODATIONS Dynise Balcavage is a vegan; her husband,
John Gatti, is an omnivoreSteve Legato for The New York TimesWhen they prepare orecchiette with broccoli, he adds anchovies to his
serving.I Love You, but You Love Meat
SOME relationships run aground on the perilous shoals of money, sex or
religion. When Shauna James’s new romance hit the rocks, the culprit was
wheat.“I went out with one guy who said I seemed really great but he liked bread
too much to date me,” said Ms. James, 41, a writer in Seattle who cannot eat
gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley and rye.Sharing meals has always been an important courtship ritual and a metaphor
for love. But in an age when many people define themselves by what they will eat
and what they won’t, dietary differences can put a strain on a romantic
relationship. The culinary camps have become so balkanized that some factions
consider interdietary dating taboo.No-holds-barred carnivores, for example, may share the view of Anthony
Bourdain, who wrote in his book “Kitchen Confidential” that “vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans … are the
enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit.”Returning the compliment, many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who
eats meat. Vegans, who avoid eating not just animals but animal-derived
products, take it further, shivering at the thought of kissing someone who has
even sipped honey-sweetened tea.Ben Abdalla, 42, a real estate agent in Boca Raton, Fla., said he preferred
to date fellow vegetarians because meat eaters smell bad and have low energy.Lisa Romano, 31, a vegan and school psychologist in Belleville, N.Y., said
she recently ended a relationship with a man who enjoyed backyard grilling. He
had no problem searing her vegan burgers alongside his beef patties, but she
found the practice unenlightened and disturbing.Her disapproval “would have become an issue later even if it wasn’t in the
beginning,” Ms. Romano said. “I need someone who is ethically on the same
page.”While some eaters may elevate morality above hedonism, others are suspicious
of anyone who does not give in to the pleasure principle.June Deadrick, 40, a lobbyist in Houston, said she would have a hard time
loving a man who did not share her fondness for multicourse meals including wild
game and artisanal cheeses. “And I’m talking cheese from a cow, not that awful
soy stuff,” she said.Judging from postings at food Web sites like chowhound.com
and slashfood.com, people seem more willing to date those
who restrict their diet for health or religion rather than mere dislike.Typical sentiments included: “Medical and religious issues I can work around
as long as the person is sincere and consistent, but flaky, picky cheaters — no
way” and “picky eaters are remarkably unsexy.”Jennifer Esposito, 28, an image consultant who lives in Rye Brook, N.Y.,
lived for four years with a man who ate only pizza, noodles with butter and the
occasional baked potato.“It was really frustrating because he refused to try anything I made,” she
said. They broke up. “Food is a huge part of life,” she said. “It’s something I
want to be able to share.”A year ago Ms. Esposito met and married Michael Esposito, 51, who, like her,
is an adventurous and omnivorous eater. Now, she said, she could not be happier.
“A relationship is about giving and receiving, and he loves what I cook, and I
love to cook for him,” she said.Food has a strong subconscious link to love, said Kathryn Zerbe, a
psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders at Oregon Health and Science
University in Portland. That is why refusing a partner’s food “can feel like
rejection,” she said.As with other differences couples face, tolerance and compromise are
essential at the dinner table, marital therapists said. “If you can’t allow your
partner to have latitude in what he or she eats, then maybe your problem isn’t
about food,” said Susan Jaffe, a psychiatrist in Manhattan.Dynise Balcavage, 42, an associate creative director at an advertising agency
and vegan who lives in Philadelphia, said she has been happily married to her
omnivorous husband, John Gatti, 53, for seven years.“We have this little dance we’ve choreographed in the kitchen,” she said. She
prepares vegan meals and averts her eyes when he adds anchovies or cheese. And
she does not show disapproval when he orders meat in a restaurant.“I’m not a vegangelical,” she said. “He’s an adult and I respect his choices
just as he respects mine.”In deference to his wife, Mr. Gatti has cut back substantially on his meat
consumption and no longer eats veal. For her part, Ms. Balcavage cooks more
Italian dishes, her husband’s favorite.In New York City, Yoshie Fruchter and his girlfriend, Leah Koenig, still
wrestle with their dietary differences after almost two years together. He is
kosher and she is vegetarian. They eat vegetarian meals at her apartment, where
he keeps his own set of dishes and utensils. When eating out they mostly go to
kosher restaurants, although they “aren’t known for inspired cuisine,” said Ms.
Koenig, 25, who works for a nonprofit environmental group.Though the couple occasionally visit nonkosher restaurants, Mr. Fruchter, 26,
a musician, said he has to order carefully to avoid violating kosher rules.
“We’re still figuring out how this is going to work,” he said. “We’re both
making sacrifices, which is what you do when you’re in love.”Even couples who have been eating together happily for years can be thrown
into disarray when one partner suddenly takes up a new diet. After 19 years of
marriage, Steve Benson unsettled his wife, Jean, when he announced three years
ago that he would no longer eat meat, for ethical reasons.“It had been in my head a long time, but I could have done a better job of
talking about it,” said Mr. Benson, 46, a math professor at Lesley University,
in Cambridge, Mass. Ms. Benson, who is also 46, and devises grade school
curriculums, said she worried her husband would judge her if she continued to
eat meat, “but we talked it out and he is not proselytizing.”Another concern was whether she would be able to cook vegetarian meals that
would meet the nutritional needs of everyone in the family, including their
teenage daughter. “I wanted us all to eat the same thing for pragmatic,
household economy reasons, but also because that’s part of being a family,” Ms.
Benson said.So, she cooks vegetarian dinners and makes lunches for herself and her
daughter that include meat. She and her daughter have “meat parties” when Mr.
Benson goes out of town, she said.“There’s this feeling that if we eat the same thing then we are the same
thing, and if we don’t, we’re no longer unified,” Dr. Zerbe said. She and Dr.
Jaffe said sharing food is an important ritual that enhances relationships. They
advise interdietary couples to find meals they can both enjoy. “Or at least a
side dish,” Dr. Zerbe said.For people who like to cook, learning to bridge the dietary divide can be an
enjoyable puzzle. Ms. James, the gluten-averse writer, eventually found a man
who did not love by bread alone. On her first date with Daniel Ahern, in 2006,
she told him that she was gluten-free; he saw it as a professional challenge.“As a chef, it has given me the opportunity to experiment with new
ingredients to create things she can eat,” said Mr. Ahern, 39, who works at
Impromptu Wine Bar Cafe in Seattle. Ms. James said she fell in love with him
after he made her a gluten-free salad of frisée, poached egg and bacon. They
married in September.Since then, Mr. Ahern has given up eating bread at home, though he still eats
it when he goes out. For her part, Ms. James has begun eating offal and foie
gras, which were once anathema. “We’ve changed each other,” she said.
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN
By Charles Bock
417 pages. Random House. $25.
Recent Comments