![]() | Sleeping with Strangers Technology 27 votes Casey Fenton wants to change this. He founded I met Fenton for the first time a year ago, when CouchSurfing was still in its relative infancy, with 20,000 members (it now has more than 125,000, and at its current rate of growth could reach a half million in a year). Word of the website was just beginning to spread, and about Fenton there was only rumor and conjecture. Fellow CouchSurfers seemed to revere him as a kind of furtive cult hero: a gypsy king of wanderers. Before our rendezvous at a side-street bar in San Francisco's Mission district, I imagined him as a bohemian savant, wild-eyed and bedraggled. But he arrived in a button-down shirt and blue jeans, clean-shaven, carrying a notebook with the word "Life" etched on the cover. From across the room, the bartender gave his youthful face a long, appraising look. Smiling, Fenton dipped his slight frame into a corner booth. It was late afternoon and the bar was quiet. Still, it was hard to hear him; he speaks in a surprisingly faint voice, but his gestures have an excitable energy. He shifts a lot. The story of CouchSurfing, he said, began six years ago. Fenton, then 22, was already harried, a software programmer in New Hampshire working 100-hour weeks for a headhunting dot-com he himself had founded. He was struggling to keep the company afloat, and spending endless hours staring into a monitor, programming code. Eager for a break, and with only a weekend to spare, he found a cheap last-minute ticket to Iceland. The flight left in four days. Fenton didn't know a soul in Reykjavik. "I tried to imagine myself there," he said. "What am I going to do in Iceland? I pictured myself walking down freezing streets, alone. I didn't want the empty feeling of staying in a hotel or hostel, but I was a shy person and I didn't know how to connect with people." So he did what any reasonably competent, ethically flexible programmer might do: he hacked into the University of Iceland student directory and spammed 1,500 students. "Basically I said, 'I'm coming on Friday. I want to see the real Iceland. Will you show me your country?'" He received more than 50 replies. Fenton spent one of the best weekends of his life gallivanting through Reykjavik, sleeping in someone's garage, staying up late into the half-light of the arctic night, and making friends that he has kept to this day. For a shy kid from the White Mountains of New Hampshire, raised by hippies in a cabin a mile from the nearest road, it was as if the world had, in three days, laid bare its secrets. "I got back on the plane on Monday morning and said to myself, 'I need to travel like this all the time.'" When the flight landed in Boston five hours later, Fenton had already begun to conceive of CouchSurfing. The next four years would take him to other jobs, and to Alaska, where he got involved in state politics—he managed internet strategy for Tony Knowles's unsuccessful 2004 senate campaign—but throughout that time he always held on to the idea of the site, programming lines of code while riding on campaign buses. Finally, in January of 2004, while Fenton was living in Juneau, CouchSurfing went live. That same month, 3,500 miles to the south, Jim Stone, presently the world's foremost CouchSurfer, had an epiphany. He says this as we rumble down the boulevards of Montreal in his silver Nissan pickup. Stone, 29, an affable, broad-shouldered Texan, has been staying with the Collective for over a month, serving as a kind of right-hand man to Fenton (they became friends through the site). He's not a computer programmer but he helps with errands and makes money for himself on the side by taking on small Craigslist moving jobs with his truck. As he hunches over the steering wheel, searching street signs for a road that doesn't seem to exist, he describes the moment, two years ago, when his life changed. Stone was then living in Denton, a college town in north Texas, stuck in a sales job he hated. "All my friends had left," he says. "I was getting apathetic. I could see another five years going by just the same way. I remember checking my mail one day, and the postmark on the letters was the same day I had graduated two years earlier. Two years gone, just like that. And I freaked out." He quit his job, packed his belongings, and split town, staying first with his father in west Texas. When he discovered CouchSurfing a month later, he signed on as the 99th member. He has since become, by all accounts, its most well-traveled participant. In the two years since he left Texas he has stayed in over 120 homes throughout Europe, New Zealand, the east coast of Australia, and most of the United States. He has "CouchSurfed" with a former soap opera star in Paris and with a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in Denmark. He has lived for weeks with an Italian family in a villa outside of Naples. Like other members of the Collective, Stone seems to travel in bursts, stopping somewhere long enough to save a little money and then stretching it for as long as he can on the road. Four months in Europe cost him $3,000, a number he now shakes his head at. "I could do it for a lot less today," he says. Stone pulls the truck back onto the highway, having given up on finding the street he's looking for. He sighs and shoves his bangs away from his eyes, exasperated by the traffic. I ask him what he's learned in all of his wandering (his business card actually reads "Vagabond"), and we drive along in silence as he ponders an answer. "I let the people choose my destination," he says at last. "That's what I've learned. I'll travel to some small little town in Austria that I've never heard of if I find someone who sounds interesting living there." Stone says that the intimacy of staying with strangers has changed him. This narrative of transformation is common among CouchSurfers. I've heard variations on it from a dozen different people. It seems to go like this: Being welcomed into someone's home, perhaps the most private place in which to meet, creates instant, deep connection and lasting friendship. In having to tell our own story to others, over and over again, we come to realize certain truths about ourselves. If we are shy, we begin to talk more. If we are brash, we begin to listen. And by witnessing other lives, we open to possibilities that we were once blind to. Alex Goodman, 23, a member of the Collective who, as it happens, is also a sociologist studying the group, said this: "If I were 16 and in search of answers for how to live my life, I wouldn't go to a rabbi or a priest or a Buddhist monk. I'd try to find a way to systematically evaluate the experiences of everyone around me, to see what has worked and what hasn't, what makes for a good, happy, worthwhile life and what doesn't. Information technology and the emergence of social networks are making this possible." The reach of CouchSurfing, after only two years of operation, is impressive. There are people, at this moment, offering their homes through the site in Iran and Turkey, in Malaysia and Venezuela and Nepal. The site has enabled a kind of spontaneous, footloose exploration of the world, and the numbers speak to this: 40,000 homes visited, 17,000 cities represented, 125,000 members participating, and several thousand more joining each week. It brings to mind the vision that Jack Kerouac heralded a half-century ago in Dharma Bums: "A great rucksack revolution, thousands or even millions of young Americans wandering around with rucksacks, going up to mountains to pray, making children laugh and old men glad, making young girls happy and old girls happier." But as with any community, there are problems, and the problems facing CouchSurfing are of a serious sort. To begin with, how do you create trust between people who've never met? In this country, the very idea of opening your home to a stranger is anathema to most people—perhaps for good reason. Fenton, for his part, says we need to broaden the meaning of being someone's "friend" online. While most social networks are content with a single indicator of friendship—you're either a friend or you're not—CouchSurfing asks for much more information when someone seeks to be your friend on the site. Have you met in person? How would you rate your friendship? Have you stayed with one another? When did you meet? What was the quality of your experience? The site encourages members to be unsparingly honest in their evaluations, and the testimonies can't be edited or erased. Certainly, negative comments can be found ("He is a stickler for rules and seems to have an irrational fear of authority"), but for the most part testimonies tend to be of the unflaggingly positive sort. Jessica, for instance, a 22-year-old American, writes of Daniele, who hosted her in Rome: "He deserves some sort of award for hosting. My friend and I stayed with him a record of 40 days. We became a true family and I will never forget his kindness and generosity. CouchSurfing gave me the experience of a lifetime. It forever changed me!" Invariably, people would rather say nothing than say something negative, and that etiquette stands in the way of reliable feedback. There is a real sense, too, the bigger CouchSurfing gets and the less self-selecting it becomes, the greater the dangers that confront it. For anyone bent on doing harm, the site affords access to a world of trusting souls. The "axe murderer" scenario, however unlikely, is one Fenton ruefully acknowledges he can do little about. "This is a slice of the real world," he says. "So, yes, anything can happen. We ask people to use all the safety features of the site and to take every possible precaution. We've been fortunate that nothing bad has happened." These precautions—be careful when choosing a single male host, consider meeting for coffee first, be prepared to leave at the first sign of a problem—are certainly well-intentioned. But there are women traveling alone using CouchSurfing and some of them are young, in their late teens or early twenties, and whatever care they may exercise, the law of averages suggests that eventually something terrible will happen. It's an open question as to how the CouchSurfing community will react or how the experiment will survive the bad press sure to follow. There are other problems, too. From the beginning, CouchSurfing has operated as a nonprofit funded by donations. While that's created a sense of community ownership, it has also produced significant limitations, and the strains are beginning to show. By Fenton's own admission, he's trying to run the equivalent of a high-traffic multimillion-dollar website on an income that amounted to about $100,000 this year (most of it brought in by donation). Rather than a team of paid employees, he has a band of peripatetic volunteer programmers. The financial constraints came to a head last June when a perfect storm of system failures, brought on by cost-cutting, led to a complete server meltdown. At the time, Fenton thought everything was lost: two years worth of data, the profiles of 100,000 members. Despondent, he posted a letter to the web signaling the end of the project—"CouchSurfing as we know it doesn't exist anymore," he wrote. Predictably, howls of protest ensued, the community itself refused to be disbanded, and within a few weeks whatever data had not been recovered was created anew. But the fact of that failure still hovers over the community, a painful reminder of how ephemeral its endeavor really is. In June of 2006, just as MySpace neared 80 million users and Facebook approached 8 million, an article, "Social Isolation in America," appeared in the American Sociological Review. The work of sociologists at Duke and the University of Arizona, it examined two national surveys of the American public, one in 1985 and the other in 2004. Their research found that the average number of people with whom Americans discuss important issues has dropped by nearly a third, from about three to two. Even more startling is that one-quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom to discuss their most important matters—twice as many as in 1984. This would suggest that in the same 20 years that saw the rise and triumph of communication technologies—the proliferation of email, cell phones, BlackBerries, and MySpace—our circle of close friends and confidants has shrunk by a significant margin. We are somehow more connected than we once were, and more isolated than ever before. The role of the internet in this trend is the subject of considerable academic debate. Some sociologists argue that sites like MySpace might not promote strong ties between people, but they do greatly enable weak ones. And these connections lead to jobs, apartments, and partners (for some people, Craigslist alone has provided all three). A recent report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project says, "Research is showing that the internet is not destroying relationships [but rather] enabling people to maintain existing ties, often to strengthen them, and at times to forge new ties." Others are less sanguine, however. Lynn Smith-Lovin, one of the sociologists behind the Duke study, says of online social networks, "I don't think they're connecting us in a deeper or more complete way than before. But neither are they driving out close personal contact. They are another route for information, and they allow us to develop more specialized communities." But face-to-face encounters, she says, are the sine qua non of strong ties; a relationship can begin online but without in-person interaction it is unlikely to be sustained in any important way. CouchSurfing, for all its problems, might well be an example of an online social network that actually works. It brings about real conversation. It harnesses the tools of social networking software to create meaningful in-person encounters—Fenton's "right person in the right situation at the right time." And it has begun, however quietly, to pull down the curtains that separate us from one another. The evidence is there on the site itself, in the testimonies of friendship between people who were once strangers but who met, say, over a weekend in Prague and whose lives were changed utterly as a result. And it is not just young people who are being brought together. I spoke with a On my last day in Montreal, I sit with Fenton on the back porch of the Collective's apartment. The place is a hive of activity—people scurrying in and out of rooms, constant footsteps on the stairs, the shower running incessantly—but the porch is quiet. In the stillness of the morning, Fenton describes plans for a "CouchSurfing University," a layer within the network that will allow someone to design a trip not by destination but for the purpose of learning something new: a skill, a craft, or, more vaguely, "life wisdom." For Fenton, who couldn't afford college and dropped out after his freshman year, it's clearly an enticing idea, and as he talks about it, his words tumble out in an eager rush. There are constant interruptions. Fenton's cell phone rings or someone bursts through the door with pressing news: a friend needs to be picked up at the airport, a programming problem has arisen, so-and-so has been stopped at the border (Canadian customs officials seem to be weirdly paranoid about the Collective). Fenton himself seems tired, faint dark crescents hang beneath his eyes and his voice is laced with weariness, but he responds to each interruption with his full attention and with an unflappable calm. As he deals with one problem after another, it begins to dawn on me that he is both liberated and imprisoned by the social network he's fashioned. It has opened a world to him, bestowed friendship and adventure and purpose. But tens of thousands of people have come to depend on the site, and the site still depends almost entirely upon him. I ask Fenton whether he feels at all overwhelmed. He considers this, and shifts in his seat. Yes, he says, finally, but the good still outweighs the bad. "Years ago I was a kid sitting in a room by myself and the world was a big place," he says, looking out past the porch. "Now I can go anywhere in the world and I feel as if I'd have family there. I have a huge family now, and the world has become a small place." At this he smiles and runs a hand across his face. He seems momentarily appeased by this thought, by the knowledge that a shy person like himself could, in effect, conjure a family of friends. Like this article? Tell the world It's Good! |
Teacher's Leave Of Absence Shrouded In Legend
February 9, 2007 | Issue 43•06
MOBILE, AL—Students at Adams Middle School have been feverishly speculating about the true circumstances surrounding seventh grade history teacher Mr. Benson's unannounced second-semester leave of absence—now approaching one month—raising the mysterious disappearance well into the status of legend among the student body at large.
"I heard he was a pot addict, and he went mental, and they took him away to a mental institution," said Gregory Oswald, 13, a student of Benson's, adding that he remembered noticing a growing impatience in Mr. Benson in the weeks before Christmas break. "Someone told me that the first night he was there, they shocked his brain. Now he can't remember anything about the Civil War anymore."
Many in the semi-popular teacher's fifth-period American history class say they remain suspicious of Principal Robert Standish's relative silence on the matter, and were unsatisfied by Standish's tersely worded public-address announcement explaining that Mr. Benson was out on "personal matters," and would "return soon."
"Mr. Benson is dead," said Joel Brown, 12.
A number of other students, such as seventh-grader Julie Krivus, seemed certain that the "Get Well Soon" card that was passed around for their teacher on Monday was meant to cover up a horrific boating accident in which the 36-year-old had his face "burned all the way off." "They had to take him to France to get a new face, but something went wrong and now he has to wear an iron mask," Krivus said.
"Or maybe Mr. Benson faked his death because he was in trouble with the mob, and then went on a spiritual quest to India," she added.
Other students' theories as to Mr. Benson's whereabouts include training for the 2008 Olympics in the 100-meter butterfly, robbing banks, fighting in and winning a Kumite death-match in Hong Kong, opening a restaurant in Texas, flying a hot-air balloon around the world to help poor people, searching for his real parents, having acid thrown on him by eighth-grade science teacher Roy DeWalt, being captured by the CIA as a terrorist operative, and working for the CIA to help catch terrorist operatives.
"He had an affair with that [eighth-grade] slut Heather Winston, and the janitor caught him," 13-year-old Lauren Eckhard said. "But then she got pregnant with his baby, and that's why she had to move away last year."
One student, who asked not to be named, said that he recently listened in on a conversation through the teachers' lounge door in which faculty members spoke specifically about Mr. Benson's location. Though the student claimed specifics were difficult to make out, he heard nothing to dispel the theory that Mr. Benson was in fact a matador recovering from wounds he sustained in his last bullfight in Madrid.
"Remember how he had that limp right before break?" the student said.
Sixth-grader Vince Shelky, who was recently given a detention for attempting to break into Mr. Benson's desk while the substitute teacher was at lunch, said he was sure there would be "tons of clues" regarding Mr. Benson's disappearance in his extensive lesson plans and personal papers.
"Why would the desk drawer be locked in the first place if there wasn't something really important in there?" Shelky said. "But the point is, basically, he was living a double life. Teacher by day. Alien by night."
Despite the growing clamor and the widening scope of possible scenarios to explain Mr. Benson's absence, not everyone is convinced that the teacher ever actually went missing to begin with.
"I saw Mr. Benson coming out of McDonald's yesterday," said 12-year-old Harry Dale, whose testimony was dismissed by a number of students aware of his reputation as a burnout. "I didn't recognize him at first—he was wearing a trench coat and a hat, but I could tell it was him. When I tried to get a closer look, he disappeared."
Curiosity was further piqued last Friday when Mr. Benson's wife, Lisa, appeared at the school to pick up her husband's mail, and told the receptionist that he would be returning within a week.
"I wouldn't listen to his wife," Amanda Bell, 13, said. "She's the one who poisoned him anyway."
Recent Comments